Don’t Call Me Lawyer

by Captain Bill

Guest post by Peter Davidsson

Many if not most of my American friends and acquaintances living in Iquitos, Peru, have had occasion to use professional legal services, either for U.S. matters or Peruvian.  Invariably they encounter shoddy services, incompetent representation, lavish and unexpected costs in fees and such, and unpleasant results.  And then there is Peru.  I don’t mind musing on the law myself, and offering my small missives for whatever purpose they serve, but I would rather give fishing lessons than sell fish.  If you know what I mean.  First let me recommend to all of us a wonderful short book titled Dancing With Lawyers.  Not what you would expect.  Not a cumbia instructional but an operator’s manual, a “how to drive your lawyer“ for optimal results.   Second, there are only three kinds of lawyers in the entire US, and I am using the US only as a reference point.  Peru comes last, of course.  Lawyers are either code heads, rainmakers, or crooks.  Code heads, such a tax attorneys, know and love the structure intimately, can quote, preach and explain the law.  They can be trusted.  Rainmakers made it past the bar exam but don’t know anything.  Their job is to hunt and capture revenue sources for the benefit of the firm.  They are never sole practitioners,  always able to solve your problem, for a fee of course, and please hold on to your advance payment, or retainer, until you see some action.  Crooks are not the most common type of attorney but the most lethal.  And third, we have Peru.  Peru has some overlap with the US but we have a very different category to add.  We have code heads and crooks, but we also have the relative.  The relative is an attorney who is related to a person influential, important, very rich, or highly placed politician, bureaucrat, or military personal.  So how to chose.  The ideal combination seems to be the relative who just happens to be a code head.  Smart, plugged in, doors open.  I personally opt for just code heads, but that is just me.  But they, the code heads, are rare, endangered but will be with us always.  Worth the trouble to find. But crooks seem to be common.  May we all be so lucky as to have honest lawyers, smart accountants, younger women, older whiskey, more money.

Guest post by Peter Davidsson

{ 1 comment… read it below or add one }

1 Nicholas Carroll March 26, 2011 at 2:33 pm

“First let me recommend to all of us a wonderful short book titled Dancing With Lawyers. Not what you would expect. Not a cumbia instructional but *an operator’s manual, a “how to drive your lawyer“ for optimal results.*” [emphasis mine]

Thank you. One of the most incisive reviews the book ever received.


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