Sacred Shamanic Healing, Part Five
A guest post by John Ed Ellerd
I have this high level of agitation along low level energy and not wanting to be here (at Infinite Light in Henerra Peru) any longer. I feel as though I am finished with the medicine at this time. I believe I am going to be leaving during the next break (which will shorten my stay by one group of 5 ceremonies) as I no longer feel an attachment to experiencing the medicine at this time. I am also feeling a state of confusion concerning my decision so any information would be welcomed from my higher self, guides, helpers, angels or any other beings coming through for my highest good.
So I am getting – Not to worry, do what I feel and allow everything else to fall into place, not feeling I have failed or come short of my goal at this time. Being in the masculine energy all my life it’s taken some time getting accustomed to the feminine with the purpose of allowing events to transpire without the need to control the situation.
After I have made this statement of a commitment to leave, I am compelled to stay. Can you explain this to me? May I have clarity? I do not always want to be so indecisive. I want to possess clarity and decisiveness of mind more consistently in my everyday life. I am feeling reminiscent of my former self today. I desire to go on with my journey forward with interest in my higher self. I am over and done with confusion and indecisiveness. I choosing to be me, not some external perception of me with all the errors of thinking I’ve had to suffer from all my life. It becomes a debilitating series of events. I am yearning to live from my higher self and am asking to be ushered into balance and fulfillment.
Sometime later in the day I realize I have a choice and the choice should be mine. The choice should not be left to my emotional mode of being or from a condition of being in a stage of confusion or stress or for that matter any other external pressures apart from my true self. So I wait and allow patience to bring the clarity. I need for the answer to be revealed and so it is.
The answer comes without having to actually making a decision based on anything. I am again learning to follow the feminine frequencies and allowing those frequencies to present to me an answer without having to make a decision which in the end proves to be true and I no longer have any reservations.
Of the mechanics of it all I have no clue nor do I need to know other than it works and that is all I need to know.
The Ayahuasca is beginning to work through my physical and mental facilities in order to show me again another way of living life. It is showing me other ways of perception in dealing with the same old problems in a new and improved way. I appreciate being able to live life other than by default, and begin to take a more positive role in living the life I have chosen for myself in the larger scheme of things.
I am no longer leaving my decisions to chance or allowing pressure from indecisiveness or confusion to fuel my decision making abilities.
Just this one truth will allow me to prevent many problematic situations from influencing my life making decisions. I am now settled into myself in a more comforting and transitive way which brings me to the place of feeling more at home with who I am becoming. Anxieties no longer plague my life with stress. I am feeling more in charge of my life which is different from being in control. Allowing me to be in charge of my life brings more freedom than taking control and having to expend energy through micro management.
The sentiment is of a sense of wellbeing and confidence about the choices I am making causing me to be more prepared than ever to live my life in integrity for it stems from a sense of wellbeing and wholeness rather than fraud, lying, or inconsistency as in not being present, divided, detached, or fragmented. These conditions are where our soul suffers the most, as it becomes more problematic to get it together than to keep it together, so to speak.
Thus far I have only shared my thoughts in relation to the medicine and of the intense experiences in the process of becoming one with the inward workings of Ayahuasca. I am truly grateful to the spirits of plant for everything learned and assimilated through the wisdom of the plant. Now I would like to expand on the benefits of this 3 month journey of the rediscovery of my innermost of who I essentially am.
After the first week of the basic breaking down of walls and belief systems I had built around myself in order to survive because I had never been taught the correct coping skills, I began to realize I had actually come into this life with many truths that were eventually overlaid by the illusions of others I was coerced into trusting as being more knowledgeable than I was, and made to believe that they were more skilled in life’s lessons.
The only flaw in this is they had in the process forgotten who they were, and were living their lives by default. In effect, rather than living by their own passions, they are living their lives pleasing others, which led me through the first lesson.
Being in the jungle removed from my comfort zone with no phone, television, computer thus no email, facebook, twitter, etc, I was forced to be in time-out and to enjoy me. – me? Who is that? I began to realize the medicine was preparing me to discover who the true self essentially is. The story of who I thought I was turned out to be the essence whom in reality I Am. The medicine will take you infinitely farther than you could possibly dream with the finite ego driven thinking processes. I began to understand the answers come through the ability to first remove the many layers of illusions constructed by belief systems and control of freedoms by the lies and false information we are fed daily by those wanting to keep us in mental captivity laboring in their corporate institutions.
The answers then come not through thinking and solving the problems, but by transcending problematic situations through the experience of allowing the medicine to put you in touch with your true essence, the primal self, coming from the French word “primus” meaning first – not primitive. Primal is better understood with the meaning of original, innocent, and first in importance.
Deep within your innermost being you are original, innocent, and first in importance bringing us to consider how many belief systems and false identities this one preceding sentence tears down. With the annihilation of such walls and barriers comes the light of self streaming in to remove the density of the one you thought you were. I was elated at the ethereal vaporous sensation I was experiencing.
In one of the ceremonies my body arrived at such an elevated frequency it actually vaporized before my eyes leaving me to experience the vastness of my infinite self and to explore the expansion and wonder of all that is of which I am a part of. The micro experiencing the macro.
The knowledge of who I actually was gave me an arsenal of understanding and the tools to begin to reinvent myself. Now with no filters, I can begin to allow the true pure light, love and life to come streaming forth into the wholeness of wellbeing. My perceptions began to change helping me to see everyone and everything differently as in a different light. Situations and circumstances which before sent me into a rage of anger are now mere wisps of fleeting momentary annoyances I can interpret coming from afar rather than having to deal with after becoming lodged in my body and mind.
I have through the experience with the medicine plant spirits of Ayahuasca accomplished in 3 months what I have been striving to do for over 30 years.
I no longer suffer from bouts of depression, confusion, and years of PTSD or panic attacks.
I cease to consider death as a solution for anything.
I no longer wish I was dead.
I stopped entertaining the idea of hatred of myself or despise the fact that I am imprisoned in this body against my will. After all I am the one who chose this life and now I am grateful and joyous.
Boredom is not something I must dread each morning I awake.
I love my life and continuously live in a state of gratitude and joy.
I love and appreciate my body and the health I enjoy every day.
I love life and the process of allowing the unfolding of the universal All That Is in order to bring all blessings Light, Love, and Life through me each and every day.
Sacred Shamanic Healing, Part Five
A guest post by John Ed Ellerd